Before Sleeping

Before I go to sleep, a summary.

After wallowing in a lot of pain, sending a million messages of agony to, don't hold your breath, a friend, and not the pianist, I felt better. I could face the sun. I went outside, to the train, and ended up in Union Square, waiting for the Swiss pianist. We had a blast. Lots of laughter coming out of making fun of the situation. I was entering my "anger phase", but it was very much ridiculed. My life was a comedy show on display.

We went to Chinatown for what we thought would be free ice cream from the famous ice cream factory. No deal, but the girl treated me to it. We found ourselves in Columbus Square, where a whole bunch of middle-age to old Chinese people were doing lots of stuff: opera singing (Cantonese opera), instrument duals, Chinese chess, cards, and some sort of dance. Very happening place, made the Swiss pianist very happy. She has dated a bunch of Chinese guys, including the boyfriend she has now, and somehow none of these people told her anything about Chinese culture. It's very rare for me to find someone who is interested in Chinese men before they meet them.

After that I went back almost to Union Square and did yoga in NYC for the first time. Very liberating. At the end, when we were doing the "corpse pose", lying there in the dark very still, the instructor read out loud some passage from some Hindu prayer, I guess. It was something about difficulties in life, that in each difficulty there is the opportunity to learn something beautiful about ourselves. I was starting to learn about myself through this unpleasant difficulty.... Her words helped me put some perspective in the matter.

To show you how I was already recovering, I went into Strands Book and bought a real copy of the story the pianist (the "ex") had inspired me to read. She told me how all these poems I was writing to her made her feel like Margarita in "Master and Margarita". I instantly looked and found that book online and started printing out pages and pages to read. I lost interest last night, in Russian, in that book, as well as anything Jewish and Israeli (I wrote a whole blog last week just about how those things had always connected to me since I moved to this country). But after yoga I decided to get the book to continue reading it.

Then I met up with my tango buddy and we chatted over sushi. She always knew how to reinvigorate my self-esteem, how to genuinely tell me what an amazing guy I was. All the while the French girl was texting me and calling me, to check on me and try but failed to arrange for us to meet. In the end I called her and we talked. It's unexpected for me to be sharing with her something so painful but also very reminiscent of our own drama. It was helpful. And after that a whole lot of other people called, three more. Basically, everyone I reached out to called me back. I felt lucky. What happened to me was unlucky. I again got involved with someone who was emotionally unavailable to me. But what I was lucky about was having amazing friends and family to back me up when crap hits the fan.

Now I am going to catch up on some sleep!